Honesty in the raw...

Fear. It can be crippling, paralyzing, taking over its inhabitants to the point of endless terror. Joy, it can be freeing, setting forth a liberty unlike any other. Rarely do these two words come together, in a strange harmony as they do now, but these two words, these two emotions are embedded in my heart and flooding every well spring of emotion.

The past few months have been a strange time for me, a period of learning, a journey beginning, with the questionable end unknown. I've experienced anxiety, tears of pain, tears of joy, and tears of frustration. I've had my highs, fought through my lows, and called out to God in my pain, and praised him in both my euphoric happiness, and the chaos that closed in around me. He spoke to my heart, guarded it against my anxieties, and is preparing me for my next grand adventure, one I'm realizing may be bigger than I had every imagined.

On June 1st I will join about 50 adults on a plane headed to Haiti, that Haiti. Yes, the country that's painstaking horrors of tragedy were slown about our media outlets amongst Hollywood tabloid trash and scandal. Yes, that country, who irregardless of devastation and disaster was living in a state of sad heartache before that frightening day on January 12Th. I do not know what I will do. I certainly do not know what I will say. But I know I must go, I must follow this tugging on my heart strings. God has provided the way and God will bless the path.

I'm overwhelmed and humbled by this sure to be life changing experience. For a single month, I will live in a tent in Port Au Prince recovering, rebuilding, and simply loving. A girl who's been all too hesitant about her faith, cannot contain the love that's touched my heart a moment longer, and cannot wait to simply love on those who need it the most.

My joy euphoric. My fear, tightening. Will this be hard? Certainly. Will I be ready? Time will only tell, but the love and freedom pumping in my veins is unbelievable. I have every confidence that this will be an incredible time, and am beyond thankful for the opportunity, humbled and joyful all in the same. I'm ready to take that leap of faith :)