In two weeks, I return to Haiti. My mission vague at most, simply to serve in whatever manner my hands, feet, mind and heart can and most assuredly will. As I prepare to return to a country with even dyer needs than I last left it, I look back six months at this post I wrote, yet never published. It's words stand firm in me the love I have for this country, and a simple reminder of my hearts desire for it as well.

Written July 2010:

I've been to heaven and back again. I never knew that amongst a country full of rubble and what to the outside world may appear to be a strange form of organized chaos, a heaven could exist. Yet in fact, heaven it is. This place I speak of, is none other than the country of Haiti. I spent an incredible month traveling the country and assisting needs throughout, an experience that has forever left it's thumbprint on my heart.

The heaven I speak of did not come without complications or frustrations. No, in this way alone there is the clear separation between the heavens above, and well the heavens on earth. Sleeping in water filled tents (tent fly's don't always serve their intended purpose during what must surely be monsoon season), eating an endless supply of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fearing your souvenir from the country is in fact an intestinal parasite likely gathered from the gallon of lake water consumed during horrible attempts to swim Haitian style, and developing a lovely farmers tan that gets quite the eyeful while lounging at the pool, may not seem like heaven at all, but dear friends, let me tell you heaven in that beautiful country does so exist.

I returned from Haiti nearly a month ago, and my heart has gone a sad roller coaster of emotions since my return. I'm overwhelmed trying to process all that I saw and did in the country, the people I met, the individuals who bridged the gap from strangers to family in a matter of days and even weeks, and what this all meant. I went with a purpose: to love through acts of service, kind words, humbleness and grace. It wasn't easy my dear friends. I felt challenged on more than one instance, but a sense of belonging stayed with me throughout my month in the country. A sense of purpose and understanding, when frustrations prevailed. I knew that somehow, in some strange way, I was to do this, and not just for the intended month.

So I went to Heaven and back. I saw it shinning in the face of innocent boys and girls, whose lives I cannot give proper justice in my poor description. I saw the heaven in the beauty of the mountain tops, the glisten of the sun on the lake and endless hymns echoing from the church below me. I saw heaven in my teammates, hurting and loving in the same accord. I saw it when I traveled on the dust covered roads, with sheep dodging our tires, and Haitians screaming,"Hey you! Give me!" I felt heaven when I smiled my response. I felt heaven when I learned what love is, in its true definition. I felt God cover me, and my feet stood firm, not running once from the fears that swelled inside of me.

I changed that month. It took so many miles, and a hard slap of reality to awaken inside of me this stirring that will not leave. I've changed, yet the world around me stays the same, a difficult pill to swallow. I feel a greater purpose about me, a longing to do this more, to help more, to love more, to fulfill my greater purpose. Yet I'm stuck in the sad Inception like limbo of my real world, where patience must prevail until the time comes to live full fledged.

I went to heaven and back. Now I sit. And wait for another glimpse...