In two weeks, I return to Haiti. My mission vague at most, simply to serve in whatever manner my hands, feet, mind and heart can and most assuredly will. As I prepare to return to a country with even dyer needs than I last left it, I look back six months at this post I wrote, yet never published. It's words stand firm in me the love I have for this country, and a simple reminder of my hearts desire for it as well.

Written July 2010:

I've been to heaven and back again. I never knew that amongst a country full of rubble and what to the outside world may appear to be a strange form of organized chaos, a heaven could exist. Yet in fact, heaven it is. This place I speak of, is none other than the country of Haiti. I spent an incredible month traveling the country and assisting needs throughout, an experience that has forever left it's thumbprint on my heart.

The heaven I speak of did not come without complications or frustrations. No, in this way alone there is the clear separation between the heavens above, and well the heavens on earth. Sleeping in water filled tents (tent fly's don't always serve their intended purpose during what must surely be monsoon season), eating an endless supply of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fearing your souvenir from the country is in fact an intestinal parasite likely gathered from the gallon of lake water consumed during horrible attempts to swim Haitian style, and developing a lovely farmers tan that gets quite the eyeful while lounging at the pool, may not seem like heaven at all, but dear friends, let me tell you heaven in that beautiful country does so exist.

I returned from Haiti nearly a month ago, and my heart has gone a sad roller coaster of emotions since my return. I'm overwhelmed trying to process all that I saw and did in the country, the people I met, the individuals who bridged the gap from strangers to family in a matter of days and even weeks, and what this all meant. I went with a purpose: to love through acts of service, kind words, humbleness and grace. It wasn't easy my dear friends. I felt challenged on more than one instance, but a sense of belonging stayed with me throughout my month in the country. A sense of purpose and understanding, when frustrations prevailed. I knew that somehow, in some strange way, I was to do this, and not just for the intended month.

So I went to Heaven and back. I saw it shinning in the face of innocent boys and girls, whose lives I cannot give proper justice in my poor description. I saw the heaven in the beauty of the mountain tops, the glisten of the sun on the lake and endless hymns echoing from the church below me. I saw heaven in my teammates, hurting and loving in the same accord. I saw it when I traveled on the dust covered roads, with sheep dodging our tires, and Haitians screaming,"Hey you! Give me!" I felt heaven when I smiled my response. I felt heaven when I learned what love is, in its true definition. I felt God cover me, and my feet stood firm, not running once from the fears that swelled inside of me.

I changed that month. It took so many miles, and a hard slap of reality to awaken inside of me this stirring that will not leave. I've changed, yet the world around me stays the same, a difficult pill to swallow. I feel a greater purpose about me, a longing to do this more, to help more, to love more, to fulfill my greater purpose. Yet I'm stuck in the sad Inception like limbo of my real world, where patience must prevail until the time comes to live full fledged.

I went to heaven and back. Now I sit. And wait for another glimpse...

A picture really is worth a thousand words...

I wish I had the words or prose to fill this blog with all that my heart wants to express about my time in Haiti. I'm still in utter shock that's been nearly three months since I returned from my journey there. I shake my head repeatly in disbelief that while only there for a mere thirty days, my heart and my world is forever changed.



I yearn to put pen to paper or fingertips to keypads, and properly chronicle my time in the country, but I simply cannot. Maybe it's because I'm in a mild denial of sorts attempting or not attempting to process all that I saw, did, and felt during my time there. I know most assurdly this is for certain, I came home a changed person. The joy that comes from that is immense. Yet, my heart aches in memory of my time there, and tears find their way dancing down my cheek with each thought of time spent there.



I originally wrote this as part of a blog post for my team in Haiti.



Twenty hours spent in the bed of trucks, buses, and unconditioned vehicles. Rumbling down dusty roads for nine days of nomadic wonder. Enduring through six days of violent and undesirable sickness, not to mention a lovely five day span without bathing. Needless to say, all of this was followed by endless moments of weakness, frustration, and perhaps a time or two of wild panic. One could say our dynamic team of nine has been through it all. We've gone days on bread and peanut butter alone (I like to argue this is completely out of choice and love for peanut butter), slept on ant and cockroach covered cement porches while the rain pounded ferociously outside, and heard a never-ending, far too catchy techno rendition of a Black Eyed Peas favorite. We've faced trials, and we've most assuredly struggled- both in vain and in perseverance.



Through our hardships, we've been blessed far more than words can express. We've been to the mountaintop and had our breath stolen by the beauty of God's artistry. We've cupped innocence in our hands through the lives of Haitian children who care not about the lack of language we speak, but the joy we bring. We've sat with mothers and daughters underneath mango trees and giggled at things unexplained. We've danced with new found friends, both young and old, their joy and laughter infectious beyond comparison. We've cried through the pain of hearts at work. We've learned about the work of the body, the hardships of perseverance and the heart of community. We've sung sweet melodious songs of praise, and hands held high in worship. We've loved out of a pure and honest compassion.



One cannot measure the hand of the Lord at work in our lives by our endless travels and circumstances, nor can the blessing be counted. Through the many blessings and challenges our team has faced, I am reminded of a powerful scripture that speaks on character. "For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." (James 1:2-4)



Out of twenty hours of travel, days spent on the road, and baths not taken… our character is being molded and that in and of itself is perhaps the greatest blessing yet.


Haiti, your memory is fresh in my mind always:) Thank you Lord for that.

I miss many things about my time in Haiti. Right now I miss these guys.

Love...

Sometimes there is just not enough words for brillant recognition.



Love Jimmy. Love Tina. Love Glee. Love Don Draper. Love Kate. Love Miss Betty White. LOVE Joel. Love the Boss shoutout. Love it all.

The latest addition to my mile high summer reading list...

During a recent adventure in a fantastic used bookstore in downtown Asheville, NC, I came across this amazing beauty..
After catching my breath from the all too loud gasp at just discovering my latest and greatest treasure, I hurried on and purchased this bad boy in hopes that I could round up my delightful summer underneath the shade of a tree reading about Elizabeth, Darcy, and all the other fantastic characters that Miss Austen wrote about. After all, she said,"I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library"( Pride and Prejudice, 1811).

It's two am and I cannot sleep. I have this nasty habbit as of late, where my body anxiously and equally annonyingly violently tosses and turns durning the middle of the night, making it near to impossible to get an ounce of possilble shut eye. I could easily pass off the shameful blame for lost slumber on the absence of quality posts (or posts in general) on this delightful blog, but I would like to argue that it has a little something to do with the lazy, crazy, hazy days of summer.

I believe a few grey hairs just sprouted atop my freshly dyed hair at the realization that summer is, gasp, almost over. I'm sure this could be well argued with the painful Southern heat, but August to me signifies that my love for watermelon, bare feet in thick grass chasing fireflies, and days spent lounging by the pool are coming to a quick end. Soon we'll see bright yellow school buses and yappy children run amuck (well at least in my neighborhood they're yappy. They're also sassy, loud, annoying, and rude. But that is another story for another day...). With a month left of fun and sure-to-be mayhem, I cannot help but think of how crazy my summer truly has been.

I spent the entire month of June traveling a small portion of the globe, and fell obviously in love with a beautiful country, a beautiful people, and a beautiful Lord. My heat swelled a thousand times over when I saw these beautiful faces...

My heart changed in more ways than one during my month away, returning home to the surburan normalcy startled me just a bit. I was ever so joyful to see and spend many a wonderful summer days with my lovely girlfriends, whether it be pool side, at the Lake, or my personal all time favorite summer...movies (my brain is all a mush from trying to figure out my new personal favorite Inception), and of course catching a fun summer concert or two...A painfully slow work schedule, mirroed in a debleted wallet, left me bored and restless. Resorting to the recipes of Southern Living fulfilled my hearts content, where a made a tasty delight or two, or three.(This, my friends, is a yummy attempt at fried plaintanes, the delish treat I became ever so obsessed with during my time in Haiti).
I also got to laugh endlessly with this beautiful girl(the gorgeous gal in the middle, my dear, sweet Kelly), and watch her plan her sure to be fan freakin tabulous wedding. Oh I cannot wait to slap the dance floor to some Justin Bieber with this chica.

Summer's end seems to be fast apporaching and restless as to what waits around the corner, I'm anxious to fill my time with the most merriment possible. We do have the month of August after all to rush into action all the things we've desired to accomplish and well haven't...including my mile high reading list...

Oh the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer indeed:)

"Refuse to be average. Let your heart soar as it will."-A.W. Tozer